I hate this day -- my throat freezes like hell. I'm having this wheezing and coughing spells. Was on sick leave yesterday coz I got to stay put and cover myself with a thick blanket coz of the damned chills. My system is not fully on-the-go but I had to work (I don't want to come back and have an anthill or worse, mountains of documents piling up on my desk)...
I was talking to Martin yesterday -- he's leaving this Saturday.. and well, I am so dazed in confusion. There was heavy time bomb that is placed at my aorta.. I am so -- AARRGGHHH!!!
I feel this big-time GUILT. I feel some big LOSER signage splatted on my forehead. Hah! For some months that he has been here, we were really not okay. I am so overwhelmed by work and friends that I keep on letting him slip away while he holds on so much. Someone told me once that my boyfriend loves me so much and maybe there could be noone who could love me the way Martin does. I guess he's right. And I am just a big moron to ignore that and look in wherever direction.
I am so in sham... I don't know. For the past five years in crazy relationships, I just don't know how I am faring anymore. I have become too myopic on myself that I could not notice a good thing if it bit my arse. Damn me.
1 comment:
awww!
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